have the audacity to try
dream procrastination, decision paralysis and fearing rejection
We all have a dream, we all have a vision. We all have a seed in our heart of something that we'd like to do, but most never have the audacity to try.
Have you ever thought, “I want this thing, but I don't think I can get it”? In your head, there are too many obstacles that would impede you, so instead of actualizing it, you put it off and focus on something else.
Say you dream of being an architect, but you're scared to go down that route. You don't feel worthy or that it's realistic. Instead, you study accounting. You reckon, “I'm good at math. I can be an accountant." You do it and you're proud of yourself—but in the end, you don't feel fulfilled.
We have finite choices, time, and energy. Everything happens for a reason; we get led down certain roads for a reason, and it’s never too late to reroute and change your life and career. But once you truly know you want something, that's when you have to have the audacity to try.
Decision Paralysis
Other times, we are paralyzed by the variety of choices available.
I’d love to learn every language and instrument, read all the books, visit every country and get educated by every discipline. But as Sylvia Plath poetically illustrated in The Bell Jar, “I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
Life isn’t meant to be a straightforward path, and with the rapidly changing world we are in, it’s highly likely we will have several careers throughout our lives, and if we’re lucky, multiple countries we can experience living in, languages, and education across disciplines. We just have to take the first step: decide to do something, and follow through with it into the unknown.
Rejection
As we venture into the unknown, we leave our comfort zone. This unknown can bring fear. Fear of failure, rejection.
We often try to play it cool and admire cool people since they seem unbothered. We praise nonchalance: not displaying anxiety, interest, or enthusiasm.
The reality is that no one is truly cool because no one is past caring about being accepted or rejected.
Anxiety levels vary, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from psychology, it’s that human beings are highly social creatures. As much as we need food, water, and shelter, we have an intrinsic need for belonging. If we don’t receive complete acceptance as a child (which most of us don’t), we develop self-limiting beliefs.
When a friend expresses one of these beliefs or fears, we could simply brush it off and think, "Oh well, I know that person is just insecure." The truth is, we all feel this way at times.
We feel it when we're rejected by a crush, friend or job. Thus, when it comes to shooting our shot and fulfilling a dream, it becomes even scarier because now it's not only being rejected by a crush or a friend. It's the idea of being rejected by the world (industry) that you want to be a part of.
As a child, I had friends to make music with and the urge to create regardless of who was around. I was simply expressing myself using my voice and music, drawing, dancing, creating songs, playing. In my teenage years, I started to develop anxiety around the judgment that would come with expressing myself vulnerably. Like many, I grew up in an environment where there was shame and resistance, and I didn't feel safe to express myself in the ways that I used to.
So I put music to the side for a while and focused on being a good student, a good daughter, having fun, making friends, and university. I don't think it was a waste because I had so many adventures, and fulfilled a lot of dreams that have made my inner child proud. Years spent studying psychology, moving to Barcelona, learning Spanish and discovering a new continent, sharing writing and poetry with the world, working on impactful projects, meeting diverse people, and taking a leap of faith to move back to Barcelona to embark on a master’s.
In the midst of this, I turned 27 a few months ago, and I realized I need to prioritize my dreams even more vigorously. It’s never too late to go after something, but when it came to the dream I have of being an artist, I didn’t want to miss any more opportunities or years of expression. I want to live without regrets. Money is a constraint that prevents us from doing what we want all the time, but I’ve found that when I’m following an intuitive and sincere path, I encounter greater synchronicities and even magic connections.
That’s why I want to be more honest with myself and the world.
First, with myself because that's the only way we can be honest with the world.
I have a lot of emotions, a lot of sensitivities. I feel a lot, and the only way I can not let that consume me is by expressing it: alchemizing it into something that can impact the world and reach someone who could be experiencing the same.
With all the pain and violence currently circulating our world, hearing from marginalized voices becomes even more important. Listening to Palestinian and Iranian activists and poets communicate their experiences has helped me process and transmute my own.
My philosophy is curiosity and passion, and I would rather live emotionally driven and intense than numb and nonchalant.
All this to say is, if you want something, you need to have the audacity to try, the courage to be seen trying.
Conclusion
Much of what we express is a conversation with or reminder to ourselves, a lesson that we're currently learning and exploring. That's what this is for me. A phrase that's been repeating in my head for months now. Can I say that I've learned this lesson? I'm taking steps. I know I have a lot of work to do and audacity to acquire.
If you want to have audacity, if you want to make your dreams more than a dream, there's a risk involved—and that risk isn’t failure, because failure is an opportunity to learn and develop. The risk is being rejected, losing friends you've had for a long time. Being disliked. Having people judge you, think you're weird, uncool. And yes, that's a painful thing.
Nevertheless, in the long run, is it worth it? If your goal is to be as true to yourself as possible, then it's a risk that is 100% worth it.
The things we perceive as losses, like the people who judge us or deny us, are blessings in disguise.
Their absence makes room for new connections. The ones who enter our lives when we express ourselves in our true form and bring about mutual support, love, and connection.
the start of our friendship in (y)our audacity to try <3